The Bard and Jester

Welcome Readers! Here you will find some real life experiences and musings that I'd like to share with you. So, come on in, if you have the time and I'll do my best to be entertaining... Please click on my sponsors' links!!! Established March 12, 2005.

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Location: New York, United States

I can be a clown, a poet, a fool, a romantic, a diplomat, a all depends upon the timing and circumstance.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

The Surprise of My Suicidal Ex-Girlfriend

Originally uploaded by vraven.

Back in 1987, while in college, I dated a pretty girl named Toni-Ann. She was in a wheelchair because, eight months earlier, on Valentine's Day, she had jumped off the roof of a six-story building.

The year before, Toni-Ann had been dating a guy that she loved and he had always promised to be there for her and had told her time and again "you can lean on me".

That fateful Valentine's Day of 1987, Toni-Ann had been babysitting with a girlfriend. The doorbell rang and Toni-Ann answered. There was her boyfriend bearing flowers...but, instead of a smile, there was a look of regret on his face.

He told Toni-Ann that he was sorry, that he loved someone else and he had just gotten engaged...and that the "other woman" was downstairs waiting for him in the car.

Toni-Ann took the flowers but slammed the door in his face. She was fine for sometime after that, washing the dishes then turning on the stereo and dancing with her girlfriend.

Then the remake of the song, LEAN ON ME, from the soundtrack of the movie of the same name, came on the radio. It was the final straw that sent Toni-Ann in a mad dash out of the apartment and up the stairs toward the roof, with her girlfriend chasing and calling after her.

Toni-Ann reached the roof. Before her girlfriend could stop her, Toni-Ann vaulted the short fence at the roof's edge and plunged six stories. There was earth and grass surrounding the building, but she struck the narrow concrete ramp that angled down toward the boiler room.

How she survived was a miracle, the doctors said. Her legs were shattered (she would have iron pins placed in them and bear long ugly scars). Her lung had collapsed. Her voice was forever raspy, wrecked by the emergency tracheotomy the paramedics had to do just to get her to survive the trip to the hospital.

The doctors said she'd never walk again, but in the six months that Toni-Ann and I dated, she would go from a wheelchair to crutches to cane to walking unaided. She was a person of incredible will and an excellent testament of the power of the human spirit.

But she was also a person of incredible and irrational jealously. And she could be real nasty...the definitive bitch. She had a mean streak that made my life a misery. Three months into the relationship, a part of me knew that I should get out, but I was terrified. What if I broke up with her and she tried to kill herself again?

That song, that remake of LEAN ON ME, haunted us throughout the relationship. It got a lot of airplay in those days. We'd be having a nice time and then the bouncing opening notes of that song would come on and she'd freeze up and bright terror would fill her eyes. Then tears.

On Valentine's Day, 1988, one year after Toni-Ann's suicidal leap, she and I had returned from our holiday date. I had driven her home and we sat in the car, listening to the radio. They were taking requests and dedications. As we listened, a male caller said, "I want to dedicate this song to someone special, she's had a real tough time and I know she needs to hear this song..."

At this point, Toni-Ann froze up and whispered, "No, no, no."

The caller went on. "Could you please play LEAN ON ME for her?"

The bouncing opening notes of that damn song came on and Toni-Ann writhed in the passenger seat, screaming that the caller was talking about her. I tried to calm her down, but I couldn't. She ran home crying and wouldn't come to the phone that night.

Whenever I hear that song, I still tense up.

One night, Toni-Ann decided that she wanted to return to the roof from which she had leapt, "just to see it". Of course, I had to go along. As we stood on that roof, with Toni-Ann staring at the edge with eyes wide and glazed, her face pale, the night air seemed electric with danger. Though I stood on a wide solid surface, I had the dizzying sense of balancing on a high wire. I couldn't wait to get down.

The relationship went on and Toni-Ann's jealously and meanness became too much for me to bear. Finally, while arguing on the phone my innocence over some silly, unfounded suspicion on her part, I broke up with her.

Toni-Ann, in a nasty voice, spewed a string of profanity and then threatened suicide. She said was thinking of jumping off a roof.

But at that point, I had had enough. The sum of my stress, my anxiety and guilt over her possible suicide attempt and my desire to be free of her all came together and exploded.

"Yeah?" I shouted into the phone, "Go ahead and do it then!" I slammed the receiver down.

Fortunately, she didn't jump.

However, a week later I hosted a surprise birthday party at my parent's house for my buddy, Joe, and Toni-Ann crashed it.

She walked in the house wearing her best evening gown and bearing a big box wrapped with a big bow. She had a huge maniacal smile.

Everyone fell silent and the tension rose as they watched Toni-Ann enter the dining room where Joe and I stood.

"Here, Joe," she said in that raspy voice of hers and handed him the box.

Then she left.

The silence continued as everyone watched Joe unwrap the gift. He opened the lid of the box, looked inside and then glanced up at me.

I didn't like what I saw in his eyes.

He reached in and withdrew a severed deer's leg.

People gasped and some wondered where she got the leg.

"Never mind that," I said, "What the hell did she do with the rest of the deer?" I was wondering if others and myself would receive the other portions of the deer sometime.

But, fortunately, we didn't and Toni-Ann wasn't heard from again. Joe and I always wondered what that strange gift meant.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I should have busted her ass for that. I should have put a whole deer in her bed.
Senator Falco

May 23, 2005 2:51 PM  

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